


In Which Karkat is the Worst and Eridan Suffers as a Consequence of His Inability to Properly Express His Current Emotional State

by cupcake_kei, vulcanhighblood



Series: Bad Decisions Beget Worse Decisions [2]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: AU, BDBWD-verse, Eridan has terrible timing, Eridan is not good at making friends, Eridan tries too hard, F/M, Karkat can override his own better judgement when feeling bitter, Look at all these tags, M/M, Sollux makes a cameo, What Have I Done, also Eridan is still a whiny baby, also pain, angst everywhere, erikar - Freeform, everyone thinks Eridan is the villain, heatstuck, im so sorry, im sorry, karkat is actually a little bit evil, karkat is not a nice person, karkat is the actual worst, more terrible smut, surprise
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-28
Updated: 2016-06-12
Packaged: 2018-06-02 08:49:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 3
Words: 11,836
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6559933
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cupcake_kei/pseuds/cupcake_kei, https://archiveofourown.org/users/vulcanhighblood/pseuds/vulcanhighblood
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Suck my bulge,” the words seemed to spring from his lips unbidden, but once spoke there was no going back. </p><p>Eridan's eyes grew almost comically wide. “Wh-what?” he managed, aghast.</p><p>“On your fucking knees, Ampora. Or get out. Those are your choices.”</p><p>(Otherwise known as "the [not actually] greatly-anticipated sequel to the AU where trolls go into heat")<br/>((Now with ART!))</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Part 1 - A Terrible Mistake

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eridan realizes just how badly he's screwed up. Karkat struggles to cope. Oh joy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey we're back with more of that juicy AU where trolls go into heat at regular intervals, the intensity and frequency of their heat determined by the hemospectrum. If you haven't read the first part of this series, you might be better off to go read it, unless you DONT like pages and pages of smutty goodness (which, fair enough, if it's not your thing it's not your thing)  
> This fic will actually go from a borderline dubcon into some more serious dubcon/borderline noncon depending on how you squint. It's also less smutty than the first fic, but the smut will make an eventual comeback, we promise.  
> Warnings aside, please enjoy the fic!

caligulasAquarium (CA)  began trolling cuttlefishCuller (CC)

CA: fef  
CA: fef help  
CA: fef this is literally the wworst please  
CA: fef  
CA: cod fuckin dammit fef i swwear if youre wwith captor  
CA: look  
CA: i really need your advvice right noww  
CA: are you there fef  
CA: fef  
CA: fef  
CA: fef  
CC: W)(ats wrong?? Are you ok???   
CA: fef i made the biggest mistake a my life  
CA: i  
CA: i cant say it  
CC: Sure you can!  
CA: ok  
CA: i may havve…  
CA: i mean i might havve  
CA: pailed kar  
CA: fef  
CA: are you there fef  
CC: W)(at? I didn’t know you felt that way about )(im! 38D  
CA: wait  
CC: You’re flus)(ed for Karkat? And )(e feels the same way about you? Im so )(appy for you!  
CA: shit  
CA: no   
CA: not like that its  
CA: i  
CA: im in heat  
CC: W)(at?  
CA: i  
CA: fuck  
CA: i messed up fef  
CC: W)(at did you do??  
CA: i pailed kar  
CA: i didnt mean to i swwear  
CC: )(ow do you go to a friends house IN )(EAT and ‘not mean to’ pail t)(em?  
CA: fuck  
CA: i didnt knoww i wwas in heat  
CA: it wwas an accident  
CC: T)(at’s… a lot to take in...  
CA: i knoww hes a lowwblood fef i wouldnt havve  
CA: if id knowwn  
CA: you do believve me dont you  
CA: fef?  
CA: fef  
CA: fef you knoww i wwouldnt do that  
CA: fef

cuttlefishCuller (CC)  ceased trolling  caligulasAquarium (CA)

CA: fuck

Eridan swiped at his eyes, ignoring the way his ruined pants clung to his body, growing stiff and sticky as he hurried across Karkat’s lawnring, desperate to get back to his hive and clean up. He was having trouble breathing regularly, his breath catching in his throat as he tried not to think about what had just happened.

Eridan made it back to his hive without incident, shucking his once-favorite pants and stumbling into his ablution block before flicking on the water in his ablution trap and diving beneath the spray, scrubbing at his body like he could somehow wash away what he’d done. But it seemed that no matter how hard he scrubbed it wasn’t enough. Eridan realized he was crying, but he couldn’t stop, couldn’t stop washing, couldn’t get clean, couldn’t…

Dropping to the floor, Eridan kept frantically scrubbing at himself, until he couldn’t even find the energy to scream and he curled in on himself, the water pounding down on him as he drifted off into a horrorterror filled sleep.

* * *

Karkat slowly edged into wakefulness, feeling sated and content in a way he hadn’t felt in an impossibly long time. As he became more aware of his surroundings, he began to feel cold. This sensation was quickly followed by the realization that he was lying stark naked in a puddle of slurry, more of the stuff had dried on his thighs, stomach, and… Karkat edged up onto his elbows, feeling twinges of pain and stiffness. His satisfied feeling drained away, quickly replaced by a cold, numb anger.

Karkat lurched to his feet and pounded into his ablution block, cleaning himself as quickly and clinically as possible before hunting down some cleaning supplies and setting to work. He found his previously discarded clothes and decided they were not salvageable. He then turned his attention to the floor, anger mounting as he violently mopped the floor. Oh, he was disgusting, wasn’t he? Fucking. Disgusting. Eridan probably would have rather pailed any other troll in existence, but no, thanks to fucking destiny or some shit, he’d ended up pailing the most disgusting troll in the universe.

And Karkat couldn’t even blame him for leaving him lying there, not when he knew how disgusting it must have been for a blood purist like Eridan to realize that he’d pailed a mutant-blood. Part of him wondered what Eridan would do with that knowledge. The rest of him was too blinded by rage to care.

Karkat managed to finish cleaning his hallway and respiteblock before he realized he was literally shaking with anger. He somehow ended up on the couch with a plate of food balanced in his lap, staring at a blank TV screen. Unable to find the energy to even choose a rom-com, Karkat ignored the fat tears rolling down his cheeks as he stuffed his face and tried not to think.

* * *

Eridan woke slowly, feeling cramped and uncomfortable on the floor of his ablution trap. His eyes felt itchy and heavy, and he unfolded his limbs slowly, stiffly climbing out of the trap. Several notifications from Trollian had appeared on his screen, so he opened the chat client to see who had been trolling him.

cuttlefishCuller(CC)  began trolling caligulasAquarium(CA)

CC: Sorry I )(ad to go earlier  
CC: Are you okay?  
CC: You need to be more careful!  
CC: W)(ere are you?  
CC: Is Karkat t)(ere?  
CC: Sollux is on )(his way to Karkat’s )(ive are you still t)(ere?  
CC: )(e seems upset.  
CC: I think )(e might t)(ink you planned this.  
CC: I told him you didn’t.  
CC: )(e’s really mad.  
CC: If you’re still at Karkat’s )(ive you s)(ould probably try and leave soon.  
CC: )(ello???  
CA: im here  
CA: i mean home  
CA: in my hivve  
CC: Good! I was getting worried!   
CA: i left as soon as i realized wwhat happened  
CC: Wait really??  
CA: a course i did  
CA: i wwasnt gonna stick around an let my pheromones keep messin wwith kars mind  
CC: O)( well t)(at makes sense I guess  
CC: You did clean up first t)(oug)(, rig)(t?  
CC: Rig)(t?  
CA: wwell  
CC: You didn’t.  
CA: i wwas panickin fef   
CA: i had to get out before i did anythin wworse  
CA: i wwoke up  
CA: i ran  
CA: noww im in my hivve tryin not to have a fuckin panic attack  
CC: Let me get t)(is straig)(t.  
CC: Leaving Karkat on t)(e floor in a puddle of slurry is your definition of ‘not doing anyt)(ing worse’?  
CA: wwell  
CA: wwhen you put it like that  
CA: fuck  
CC: )(old on Sollux is at Karkat’s )(ive now.  
CC: )(e sounds really mad! 38(   
CC: We can talk more later

cuttlefishCuller (CC) ceased trolling  caligulasAquarium (CA)

CA: no but i really think im havvin a panic attack  
CA: fuck

Eridan wasn’t sure if he was having a panic attack or if he was dying. All he knew was that his chest felt like he’d gone deep-sea diving, when the pressure would constrict his ribcage to just shy of the breaking-point. His bloodpusher fluttered wildly as he found his way to a chair, collapsing into it as his knees buckled. His mind seemed simultaneously far away and all-too-present. He could recall pieces of the incident, but everything seemed mixed-up and blurry, like trying to remember a dream upon waking.

Eridan leaned on his knees, head hanging as he gripped his scalp, his sharp claws digging into the soft skin near the base of his horns. “Fuck,” he hissed through his teeth, trying to focus on dragging the air into his lungs, deep into his abdomen then holding his breath for a moment before releasing it all in a whoosh. He’d gotten himself though panic attacks often enough - when he first started hunting lusii he’d been a small, terrified little wiggler. Sometimes he thought he never really _stopped_ being a wiggler, he just got better at pretending he was all right.

After the room had stopped spinning for the most part, Eridan turned his attention back to Trollian, where a flood of messages from none other than the constant source of irritation that was Sollux Captor were waiting for him.

twinArmageddons (TA) began trolling caligulasAquarium (CA)

TA: what the fuck.  
TA: what the actual fuck.  
TA: youre a fuckiing a22hole.   
TA: ii mean holy 2hiit.   
TA: ii dont even know where two 2tart.   
TA: was thii2 about FF? were you trying two get her attentiion or some 2hit?   
TA: or are you really 2uch an a22hole that you diidnt even thiink about how your heat miight affect other people?   
TA: you fuckiing...  
TA: there are no words two adequately de2criibe the depth2 of your a22holery.   
TA: you know that riight?  
TA: youve alway2 been a pathetiic waste of 2pace and a complete and utter lo2er but even ii never thought iit would come two thii2.   
TA: youve burned all your fuckiing bridge2 wiith the 2hiit you pulled today.   
TA: ju2t 2o you know,  
TA: iim telliing everyone ii know exactly what you diid, and iif theyve got even the 2liighte2t biit of 2en2e theyll never speak two you agaiin.   
TA: 2o ba2iically...  
TA: what iim tryiing two 2ay ii2...  
TA: iif you ever go near KK agaiin, ill fuckiing cull you.  
TA: ii dont care how fuckiing hot you thiink your 2hiit iis.   
TA: you are liiteral 2cum.  
TA: and iif ii 2ee you agaiin.  
TA: you better pray 2omeone el2e wiill be there two 2top me.  
TA:becau2e 2eriiously.  
TA: fuck.  
TA: you.

TwinArmageddons (TA)  ceased trolling  CaligulasAquarium (CA)

Eridan stared blankly, too worn to fully process the words on the screen, but unable to argue with the sentiments in Captor’s messages. He _was_ scum, really. Always had been. He should have _known_ his cycle was due. Should have _checked_ . Should have run the _other way_ instead of further into Karkat’s hive. Should’ve tried harder to keep Kar away, should’ve done _anything_ but what he _did_ do.

As he continued to sink into the depths of self-loathing, Eridan found new things to regret - how he should have cleaned up Kar’s floor, Kar’s ablution block. He should’ve made sure Kar was all right before taking off. He should have checked to make sure no one saw him (how embarrassing would it be if Kar’s lawnring neighbors saw him sneaking out all streaked with slurry...Kar was a private troll, others knowing that he and Kar had been pailing would probably be beyond mortifying for the lowblood).

And that thought brought on yet another host of regrets - Fef knew, and Sol knew, and Eridan feared that, barring some sort of intervention on Kar’s end, everyone else he knew would find out if Sollux had his way. It was more than just embarrassing - losing control like that could be seen as dangerous. He was a threat to his friends and everyone around him if he couldn’t predict or control his heat.

Not that anyone ever really wanted to hang out with him anyway, but now they had a legitimate reason to avoid him.

Eridan’s chest was getting tight again. Fuck, he’d screwed up again. Why was he such a mess? Eridan squeezed his eyes shut, trying to ignore the tears creeping down his cheeks.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PS: this is the first of two-to-three chapters to this next installment, the smut should be in the next chapter or so. Thanks for reading!  
> kei: I wanna add a lil note that vulcan worked hard to format the logs so I hope u enjoyed that ye c:


	2. Part 2 - A Terrible Decision

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Karkat comes to a decision. It is a bad one.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now with ART!  
> This part introduces the dubcon/noncon element of this story, so if that's not your thing, please don't read.  
> If you would still like to see the art (it is sfw no worries), you can find it on my tumblr, here:

Sollux was alternating between frantically pacing around the room and shouting at no one in particular. His psiionics were also sparking. A lot. Karkat probably should have been worried or upset by this turn of events, but he couldn’t find the energy to care. Finally Sollux calmed down enough to sit next to Karkat on the couch. “Are you okay?” he managed, sounding pained.

Karkat felt almost jealous, he wished he could feel the outrage clearly evident in the way Sollux spoke and carried himself. Instead, Karkat just felt… empty, dry, like an ablution trap that had been drained completely or a sponge that had been vigorously wrung out. He didn't say anything for a long time, then slowly shook his head. _No,_ Karkat thought, _I'm not okay._

“FF told me ED admitted that he attacked you,” Sollux finally managed, and there was a slight crackle between his horns when he said ‘ED’. “I came to find you the minute I heard.”

Karkat nodded once, not really feeling up to speaking at this point.

After waiting for an answer and getting nothing, Sollux sighed and pulled out his husktop. “You don’t have to talk if you don’t want to,” he assured Karkat without looking up from the keyboard, something for which Karkat was surprisingly grateful. “But you should know that if you need a friend, I’m here for you.” He was silent again for a few moments, only the sound of his fingers clacking lightly against his husktop keyboard breaking the oppressive silence. After a few moments, Sollux’s focus seemed to intensify, his brow wrinkled in a deep scowl. “Asshole,” he grunted to himself, lisping on the ‘s’. Karkat didn't get the sliver of amusement Sollux’s lisp usually provided. Everything felt duller, less real right now. “Highblood,” Sollux scoffed, still mostly talking to himself as his fingers flew across the husktop keyboard, ostensibly updating Feferi on Karkat's condition. “More like ‘shitbag’,” he grunted.

Karkat found himself nodding anyway, internally agreeing with the sentiment. On the other hand, he felt like he couldn't completely blame Eridan. After all, Karkat didn't consider himself _attractive_ by any stretch of the imagination. In fact, Karkat tended to avoid looking in the mirror, since he rarely liked what he saw there. He was so disgusting that he wasn't completely sure that he too wouldn't have run off the minute he came to his senses if he'd accidentally fucked himself. Okay, that was not a mental image he appreciated, his mind’s eye providing him with a clear picture of two naked, chubby mutant bodies intertwined, streaked with scarlet slurry, fat hands rubbing against nubby horns, the dull slapping sound of tummy rolls on flabby ass cheeks… Karkat winced at the thought. Ew. No wonder Eridan had split. Seeing his gross fleshy body all splayed out in a puddle of their combined slurry had probably scarred the seatroll for life.

“Alternia to KK, do you copy?” Sollux was waving a hand in Karkat's face.

Karkat blinked. “What?”

“You were _gone_ for a minute there,” Sollux said, sounding almost concerned, which was impressive considering Sollux had basically three interactive functions: sarcastic, deadpan, or spitting mad. “Should I be worried? Or can I get back to verbally abusing the fucker who did this to you?”

“Yelling at Eridan won’t do any good,” Karkat said wearily. “Besides, I should have realized-”

“You are _not_ going to blame yourself for this,” Sollux interrupted, turning to face Karkat. “He’s an asshole who was trying to _use_ his heat to try and get FF to fall for him, even after she’s told him a _thousand_ times that she doesn’t see him that way.”

Karkat shook his head slowly, “But I-”

“He’s a menace, KK, he will never learn, and if I ever see him again I’m going to cull him.”

Karkat felt his heart stutter a bit. “You’ll - what?”

“I. Will. Cull. Him.” Sollux was deadly serious, a few stray psiionics sparking through the air.

“Murder sounds messy,” Karkat said. “If you're gonna cull him don't do it here.”

“I’m pretty sure it’ll just be a gut reaction to seeing him,” Sollux replied. “So just don't invite him over when I'm around.”

Karkat barked a laugh. “That won't be fucking happening anytime soon. I don't think I could even look him in the eye right now.”

Sollux shrugged. “Well. If you decide you'd like to get revenge at some point, I'm down to hold him still while you cut his bulge off, or whatever.” Sollux shrugged, and Karkat couldn't tell the if he was joking, or actually serious about maiming Eridan.

Karkat nodded numbly, briefly entertaining the satisfying thought of chopping off Eridan’s massive bulge… and possibly keeping it to play with because while he didn't remember much about that day, holy fuck he would never be able to forget that fucking Sea Troll’s body. _Revenge, huh?_ Karkat mused as the clack-clack-clack of Sollux’s typing resumed. _That might be nice…_  

* * *

caligulasAquarium (CA)  began trolling cuttlefishCuller (CC)

CA: fef wwhat happened  
CA: sol is really fuckin pissed  
CA: is kar ok?  
CA: did i hurt him  
CC: Of course you )(urt him!! 38(  
CA: fuckfuckfuckfuckfuuuuuuuuck howw bad is it  
CC: Sollux says )(e doesn’t seem physically )(armed, so t)(at’s a relief  
CA: so hes not hurt  
CC: In case you FORGOT, you _raped_ Karkat. I wouldn’t consider t)(at ‘not )(urting’ )(im  
CA: fuck shit shit fuck you’re right i cant believve i said that fuck  
CA: wwhat do i do  
CC: You s)(ould probably start by apologizing!  
CA: howw do i do that  
CC: You’re kidding, right?  
CA: i mean i dont think i should showw up on his doorstep uninvvited and he probably doesnt wwanna see me evver again  
CA: so howw  
CA: do i  
CA: apologize  
CC: Do you ever talk to )(im on trollian?  
CA: yeah…  
CC: Send )(im a message saying )(ow sorry you are and ask if you can meet in person to apologize.  
CC: If )(e doesn’t want to see you again, or talk to you again, t)(en you respect t)(at and never speak to )(im again!  
CA: ok  
CA: i can do that  
CC: Good.  
CA: wwait.  
CA: right noww?  
CC: Cod, Eridan, yes!! Rig)(t now!!  
CA: right ok ill go do that

caligulasAquarium (CA) ceased trolling cuttlefishCuller (CC)

Eridan stared at the blank Trollian screen. He’d spent the better part of an hour composing partial messages before quickly erasing them and starting all over again. He couldn’t seem to find the words to say, to express how sorry he was. Everything was tied up inside his gut like a giant knot and he couldn’t seem to untangle it. How had everything gone so _wrong?_ He finally settled on a short, simple message.

caligulasAquarium (CA) began trolling carcinoGeneticist (CG)

CA: hey kar im sure you nevver wwanted to hear from me again i just wwanted to say howw sorry i am and i wwould like to apologize to you in person but if you wwant me to just stay awway from you and nevver speak to you again i totally understand that  
CA: so i guess in case you dont wwanna see me  
CA: sorry  
CA: im so fuckin sorry

caligulasAquarium (CA) ceased trolling carcinoGeneticist (CG)

Now all he could do was wait.

And wait.

For four days he waited for an answer, any answer at all. Nothing. Then, near the end of the fifth day, he finally got a reply.

carcinoGeneticist (CG) began trolling caligulasAquarium (CA)

CG: IF YOU REALLY WANT TO APOLOGIZE.  
CG: COME TO MY HIVE TOMORROW.  
CG: AND PROVE TO ME THAT YOU’RE REALLY SORRY.  
CA: a course ill come  
CA: wwhat time?  
CG: ANYTIME. JUST FUCKING TROLL ME TO LET ME KNOW WHEN YOU’RE COMING.  
CA: ok I really appreciate this Kar I knoww this cant be easy for you  
CG: YOU’RE RIGHT IT’S FUCKING HARD SO SHUT UP AND LEAVE ME ALONE UNTIL YOU DECIDE TO HEAD OVER HERE.  
CA: sorry  
CG: YOU BETTER BE.

carcinoGeneticist (CG) ceased trolling  caligulasAquarium (CA) 

* * *

Karkat stared at the messages from Eridan on the screen before him for the fifth day in a row, still unable to answer, a scream bubbling up inside him. “How the _fuck_ am I supposed to feel about this?” He asked himself, violently closing Trollian and lying down on the couch, clutching a cushion and screaming his rage into the fluffy object until he didn’t have the energy anymore. It didn’t take him very long. He never seemed to have any energy anymore. He felt… powerless. Weak. And today, he also felt fucking _horny_. Because wouldn't you know it, he couldn't catch a fucking break. His heat, which had faded after _that_ , was back. He never got a break from it, his heat would barely fade before returning full force. Each break from the constant _need_  would last less than a week before it was back again and strong as ever. Karkat had always been horny more often than not, but feeling that need throbbing deep inside him now? He just wanted to throw up because all it did was remind him of what had happened less than a week ago.

He just wanted some _c_ _ontrol_ back in his life. He wanted to feel like _he_ had the power for once, instead of always being weak and scared and helpless and a slave to his own _need_. He wanted Eridan to know how it felt to be trapped, to not be the one in control of a situation, to feel lost and alone - to feel the way he was feeling right now. Sure, the sea troll seemed sorry, but was sorry enough? Karkat wanted to make him _pay_ for what he’d done.

He just wasn’t sure how.

The longer he considered his options, the more he thought he understood what he wanted from Eridan. An apology, yes. But probably not the sort of apology that the sea troll envisioned. Karkat didn't want empty words or empty promises. He wanted to feel powerful, in control. Eridan thought he was disgusting, and was probably nauseated by the very thought of having laid so much as a hand on Karkat. That bothered Karkat. He hadn't chosen to be touched by Eridan, and now he couldn't get those phantom touches out of his head.

Waking up to realize that he could barely remember what had happened to him, the _state_ in which he’d been upon waking his only clue as to what had transpired… the whole ordeal had been awful, disgusting and infuriating. The longer he dwelled on it, the more terrifying it became, his memory empty, remembering only hazy blur, recognizing only a total loss of awareness during that time. His only memory was the absence of memory, evidence that he’d been totally lost in the desperate need his heat had thrust him into. And yet he _remembered how it felt_ , and his body wouldn’t let him forget that. He couldn’t remember what he’d said, what he’d done… but he remembered every touch, the details practically seared into his flesh. He hated it, and yet...plagued as he was by the carnal desires of his heat, he wanted Eridan to touch him like that again.

He knew that, without the direct influence of a desperate highblood heat, there was no chance the sea troll would ever want a troll like Karkat. His mind painted a pretty picture of the tall, proud sea troll, a hint of a smirk tugging at his features. Karkat imagined what it might be like to wipe that fucking smirk off the sea troll’s face, to make him understand that for once, he wasn't the one in control. Karkat was in control now, and he enjoyed the way the Eridan in his mind's eye looked baffled, then surprised, then afraid and a little bit turned on. Karkat was only vaguely aware of how his hand dipped below the waistband of his pants to curl around the tip of his bulge, milking it until it unsheathed more fully. Instead, his mind had taken a bit of a detour, and he found his thoughts wrapped up in a vision of the tall, powerful sea troll on his fucking knees, broad shoulders rippling as the highblood put his whole attention towards licking and sucking Karkat’s fat, floppy bulge. Karkat began stroking himself, as his fantasy self roughly gripped a fistful of the highblood’s hair, his other hand curling tightly around one of the sea troll’s long, swept-back horns, viciously thrusting and curling his bulge down the troll’s throat until the highblood was begging for mercy, _begging for Karkat’s bulge in his nook_. Karkat whined low in his throat, tugging at his bulge, feeding it into his own nook, imagining that he was pounding into Eridan as the sea troll of his imagination screamed in equal parts pleasure and fear. It wasn't long before Karkat came, red slurry soaking his loose sweatpants and leaving his whole body weak.

As he lay back, panting, bulge gradually curling back beneath its bone sheath, Karkat found himself caught between horror and fascination. Part of him was afraid. Was this really who he wanted to become? A domineering, heat-crazed troll who sought only his own satisfaction? A louder part of him seemed to think that this wasn't so bad. Besides, Eridan deserved it, and it wasn't like this would ever be anything more than a harmless fantasy - Eridan’s pride was the stuff of legends. Not even the horrific experience he'd inflicted on Karkat would be enough to make him debase himself for a fat, ugly mutant like Karkat. It was just … letting off some steam. He couldn't even bring himself to talk to the highblood on Trollian, much less see him face to face! It was a meaningless fantasy, but… What sort of fantasy exactly? Not flushed, there was no pity here, only desperation, fear, and determination. Not pitch either, then, since Karkat found he didn't particularly hate Eridan. He just wanted the sea troll to understand how he felt - ugly and used and _alone_ and… Karkat shuddered, burying his head in his hands before looking up slowly at Trollian.

The bright violet text was mocking him with its apparent sincerity. Eridan had made the first move, unconsciously signaling to Karkat that the violet blooded troll was _still_ the one in control of the situation. Something about that really bothered Karkat. He knew on some level that he needed to talk to the sea troll, to sort things out. But more than that, he needed Eridan to know that he was not in charge anymore. Karkat was in charge. With that in mind, he turned to the computer and began composing his reply.

* * *

Eridan stood outside Karkat's hive, arm raised to knock. He lowered it for the third time in as many minutes, glancing anxiously down at his Trollian feed. Still nothing. He'd sent Kar several messages, the most recent being “im here”, and he hadn't received a single reply. He didn't want to upset Kar by surprising him, but Kar hadn't actually said he would respond if Eridan messaged him… The bundle of nerves knotted in Eridan's gut seemed to constrict, and he took a shaky breath.

He'd really done it this time. Fef was pissed at him, Sol wanted his head on a platter, and it was _entirely his fault._ And now because of his own poor judgment, one of the few trolls who had still been willing to put up with him and his antics was so disgusted and afraid of him he couldn't even hold a conversation on Trollian. About to lose his nerve, Eridan made a move to walk away before pausing. This wasn't right, he owed it to Karkat to at least apologize and let the smaller troll have his say. Once more, Eridan raised his hand to knock, but before he could, the door swung open to a disheveled Karkat, his clothes more wrinkled, his hair wilder, even the circles under his eyes were darker than usual.

“Get inside,” Karkat growled, his voice low and tense.

Eridan felt the knot in his gut twist even tighter as he edged past the smaller troll into the hive. He walked stiffly towards the couch, hovering awkwardly, unsure of whether or not to sit. He wasn't sure how long he would be welcome. Karkat walked past him stiffly, seating himself in the center of the couch. He made no move to make any room for Eridan, nor did he attempt to indicate that Eridan could take a seat.

Eridan remained standing, feeling vaguely like he was standing before a legislacerator or even His Honorable Tyranny. He cleared his throat, waiting for Karkat to speak. After several long moments of uninterrupted silence and unbroken stares, Karkat indicated with a jerk of his head that Eridan was to speak first.

“Kar,” Eridan began, wringing his hands, all the words he'd prepared flying from his mind as he stood there. “I…” he almost choked on the word, bloodpusher pounding in his ears as he struggled to find the right thing to say. “I'm so sorry,” he managed, “I know it's not enough, but I don't know what else to say.”

“How about you try not saying fucking anything?” Karkat suggested in a hollow tone that sent shivers down Eridan’s spine. “Honestly, I don't want to fucking hear whatever you think will make this go away. This isn't about your fucking ego.”

“I know,” Eridan said quickly, “I just… I wanna know how to fix this. I know I fucked up-”

“Yeah, you fucked up. You piece of fucking hoofbeast shit.”

Eridan’s mouth snapped closed immediately. He didn't really have an argument against that- he was total and utter shit. He deserved any and all verbal abuse Karkat felt inclined to level in his direction. He nodded miserably.

“You're useless, pathetic, the worst excuse for a highblood I've ever met. What sort of fucking highblood doesn't know when he's going to be in heat?” Karkat stood, chest heaving, as if waiting for a challenge that never came.

Eridan just stood there, earfins drooping, eyes hooded behind the light reflecting off the thick lenses of his glasses.

“Well,” Karkat said finally, realizing that Eridan wasn’t going to say anything. “Here's the conundrum. How am I supposed to believe anything you say if I can't even trust you to use some common decency? How am I supposed to know if you really fucking mean it when you say you're sorry?”

Eridan's bloodpusher hurt. He couldn't answer that, had no words he could even speak in his own defense. Karkat was right, he _couldn't_ be trusted, he didn't belong here, not if he was going to force his once-maybe-friend to pail him. He shook his head slowly, hoping that the words he couldn't say would show Kar how sorry he was, how much he ached to set things right.

Karkat waited for Eridan to protest. He'd expected the highblood to make excuses, to defend himself, to storm out in a huff. Karkat had been prepared for the white-hot rage to bloom in his chest, so he could scream and yell and burn all the anger out of his system. But Eridan wasn't cooperating. He just stood there, taking all the blame, the accusation, the insults… Karkat had prepared himself for all the likely excuses - hell, he'd considered all the ways he could have prevented this countless times by now: Karkat shouldn't have kept his blood color a secret, he shouldn't have forced the door open, should have left, should have obeyed the highblood when Eridan told him to go away… But Eridan didn't say any of that, he just stood there with his drooping earfins and shoulders hunched. He looked so small and pathetic and… _weak_.

Instead of the white-hot rage Karkat had been expecting, he felt the slow, cold burn of revenge - and something much more sinister - gently curling through his system like a drug. Eridan was cowed. Eridan was _weak_. He could make the highblood understand how he felt, could _show_ him with his body what it felt like to be used and then summarily discarded. Karkat had never needed something as badly as in that moment.

“If you're _really_ sorry,” here he gave Eridan an accusing look, “You're going to have to prove it.”

Eridan lifted his head slightly, hope glimmering in his eyes. “Just tell me what to do, an’ I’ll fuckin do it.”

“Suck my bulge,” the words seemed to spring from his lips unbidden, but once spoke there was no going back.

Eridans earfins, which had been sagging only moments before, were now pressed back flat against the sides of his face in a mixture of shock and dismay. “E-excuse me?” he stuttered, still not sure if he'd heard the smaller troll correctly.

“I said,” Karkat heard himself speaking as if he were strangely distant, a mere observer of the scene unfolding before him rather than actively taking part. “Suck. my. fucking. bulge.” With every word, Karkat’s hand edged closer to the fly of his pants.

Eridan's eyes grew almost comically wide. “Wh-what?” he managed, aghast. “You… you want…?”

“On your fucking knees, Ampora. Or get out. Those are your choices.”

Never in a million fucking sweeps would Karkat have believed what happened next. The tall, arrogant, violet-blooded troll actually dropped to his knees, hesitantly reaching for the waistband of Karkat's pants.

 _Pail me in the wastechute,_ Karkat thought faintly, _he's_ **actually** _going to do it._ The thought sent a curl of _need_ through Karkat’s system, reminding him that _yes_ he was in heat and this was _exactly_ what he needed right now.

Eridan fought to keep his hands from shaking. He didn't understand. He just wanted Karkat to give him another chance, to let him make things right. He was so scared - no one would speak to him anymore, not even on Trollian. He’d never really had much interaction with his friends, even before this, but Captor had seemingly informed all of their mutual acquaintances of Eridan’s indiscretion, and now no one would even reply to his messages. If he ever wanted to get back into his fellow trolls’ good graces, he would need to make things right with Karkat, and if the only way to do that was by sucking him off, then that was a price Eridan was willing to pay. He only wished he had more experience… he'd been so wrapped up in his affection for Fef (he was still in pretty deep, if he was being honest with himself) that he'd never really quadranted with anyone else (well, there had been a short fling with Vriska, but it had been entirely too pitch and had never gone this far). Technically speaking, Karkat had been his first. The lowblood was probably far more experienced in these matters, and part of Eridan feared that he'd be terrible at this. What if Karkat took his lack of skill as an insult, a sign that Eridan wasn’t taking this seriously? His last chance at redemption would be done for, and Sollux seemed to know _everyone_. Eridan would never quadrant, never have companionship of any kind… he couldn’t risk that.

Bloodpusher pounding, Eridan gently tugged down the front of Karkat's pants, exposing his dull grey boxers. He glanced up at Karkat, not sure how to proceed. The lowblood’s eyes were blown wide and a slight blush was crawling across his cheeks. When he saw Eridan hesitate, his eyes narrowed in displeasure like he'd been expecting Eridan to hesitate. The spark of fury in his gaze was reason enough for Eridan to venture further into the unknown, gently tugging the front of Kar’s pants down to reveal the lowblood's bone bulge. Kar didn't seem to be all that excited, the tip of his bulge was only just peeking out from under the sheath.

At this point Eridan was in totally uncharted waters. He knew what worked for him when he was alone in his hive… but would something like it work for Kar? He had no choice but to try. Bending his head forward, he gently licked the tip of Karkat's bulge, rewarded by a quickly stifled gasp from somewhere above. Eridan continued, running his tongue across the lip of Kar’s bone bulge even as it began to retract. Kar’s bulge was starting to unfurl, and Eridan was a bit dismayed that he had forgotten the fact that Kar had a fuckin beautiful bulge, thick, powerful and undulating. Eridan felt his own bulge stirring slightly at the sight. It was only natural, but Eridan had a feeling his own needs were not welcome in this encounter, so he did his best to ignore the growing tightness in his pants. With one hand, careful to avoid using his claws, Eridan carefully withdrew Kar's bulge, stroking the length of it, letting it curl around his wrist before he began to put his mouth on it earnestly, running his tongue up and down the length of it, sucking the tip of it into his mouth, careful to shield his teeth with his lips to avoid injuring the sensitive organ.

The whimpers and whines from above were enough to reassure Eridan that he was doing this right, which is why it came as a huge shock when Karkat suddenly grabbed a fistful of the hair on the back of his head, tilting it back as he _plunged_ almost the entire length of his bulge deep into Eridan's protein chute. Totally unprepared, Eridan fought hard not to gag, or worse. He hadn't eaten much that morning due to nerves, but the bulge had gone so deep Eridan feared it was nearing his stomach. The bulge twisted inside him, tearing and burning. Eridan couldn't breathe, couldn't pull away. A moment later, Karkat pulled back and Eridan gulped air desperately into his lungs, the entire length of his chute burning. He got about two and a half deep breaths in before Kar was roughly taking his horns and tilting his head back, again forcing his thick bulge down Eridan's chute, sinking it almost to the hilt, the tip twisting and turning deep inside him, it's girth stretching his protein chute beyond capacity. Eridan screamed, but his wind chute was too compressed to get the sound out properly. Dimly he heard Karkat shouting, but panic had fogged his mind and he couldn't make out the words. Karkat's bulge pulled out and Eridan managed to choke down a single, desperate breath of air before the lowblood's bulge was back, plunging deep into his throat, tearing as it went even deeper. Part of Eridan knew all he had to do was bare his teeth and clamp down, but didn't he deserve this? He'd probably done worse than this to Kar, in all honesty the lowblood was probably being merciful compared to how the highblood had likely treated him. A vision of Karkat, coated in slick and splayed out in a puddle of their combined slurry rose unbidden before Eridan’s eyes. Whatever he'd done in the throes of passion, he deserved worse than this. Karkat's bulge slipped out of Eridan's mouth and the lowblood grabbed his own bulge, tugged once, twice, and then slurry was pouring over Eridan's face and hair, dripping onto his cape, his shirt, his scarf, his glasses… The slurry, Eridan realized, was much redder than he remembered.

Kar was… a mutant? Eridan was ashamed that he'd somehow managed to forget not only Karkat's massive bulge but also a far more crucial detail. No wonder Kar had been upset! He probably feared rejection more than anyone else, and Eridan had gone and pailed him and discarded him without so much as a second thought. Eridan felt sick, though that was partially due to the pain in his throat.

Karkat stared down at Eridan, the sea troll spattered in his scarlet slurry, feeling a hearty satisfaction unlike any he'd ever felt before. His next heat wasn't even due for another week at least, that would be seven or more days of not feeling horny! Karkat could get used to this feeling of satisfaction, a freedom from the _need_ to release. Eridan looked a little shaken but none the worse for wear, Karkat noted, tucking his bulge back into his pants. “Thanks,” Karkat managed after a moment. “You can, uh, use my ablution block to clean up if you like.”

Eridan said nothing, only nodded numbly, moving towards the hallway as if in a trance. He seemed to do the bare minimum, as it only took him a few minutes before he reemerged, sans cape, scarf carefully arranged to hide any spots. His hair was floppy and wet from some quick ablutions and his face seemed paler now that it wasn't streaked with Karkat's slurry. He stood there, awkwardly, halfway between the hall and the exit, not sure if he should stay or go. Karkat decided he wasn't ready for any serious heart-to-heart chats just yet. “That's all for today,” Karkat said dismissively. “You can go now.” Eridan nodded jerkily, shuffling out the door, one last hesitant glance inside like there was something he desperately wanted to say, and then the door eased shut and he was gone. Karkat breathed a sigh of relief. Well. That had gone better than expected.

* * *

  _What was that?_ Eridan wondered, trying his hardest not to rub the outside of his protein chute as he nearly staggered across Kar’s lawnring, barely noticing where he was going, just trying to get _away_ . Even the air seared like fire every time he took a breath. He felt belittled and unheard. Had Kar even _wanted_ to make things right? He certainly hadn't seemed interested in hearing Eridan's apology, but he'd gone ahead and taken full advantage of the troll’s guilty conscience. Still, Eridan knew that if he had to do it all over again, he would.

If he could just get Karkat to trust him again, maybe Sol would be more inclined to forgive him. Then Fef might stop being mad. He just needed to fix things so everything could go back to normal. Eridan knew he would do almost anything to make that happen. Even let Karkat tear his throat up with that massive bulge of his. Eridan swallowed painfully, struggling to breathe. He really needed to rest his throat. A nice long swim ought to do the trick. Honestly, Eridan wasn't much of a recreational swimmer, since the ocean mostly tasted of desperation and slaughter to him. He'd hunted for Fef’s lusus more times than he could count, and the sea only reminded him of the countless trolls he'd orphaned. Still, with his throat as mangled as it was, bypassing that airway entirely sounded really nice. Eridan changed course, heading for the nearest beach. He would take the long way back to his hive today.

A few moments later, a notification popped up on his Trollian chat client. It was Kar.

carcinoGeneticist (CG) began trolling caligulasAquarium (CA)

CG: HEY.  
CG: THANKS FOR… WELL  
CG: THANKS  
CG: TODAY DIDN’T GO AS HORRIBLY AS I EXPECTED, SO...  
CG: I’LL LET YOU KNOW IF YOU’RE EVER INVITED TO SET FOOT IN MY HIVE AGAIN  
CA: ok

carcinoGeneticist (CG) ceased trolling caligulasAquarium (CA)

Eridan really hadn't known how to respond. Was Karkat pleased? Upset? It seemed like maybe he trusted Eridan a bit more now, so that was something at least. Eridan wasn't sure how to feel about this turn of events. Maybe the next time he visited Kar they could watch a romcom together or something. Maybe things would get back to normal…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Poor babies just don't know how to COMMUNICATE. Hopefully this will all be resolved by the next chapter... (or not huhuhu)


	3. A Terrible Outcome

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eridan realizes communication is important. Karkat realizes he is more cruel than he ever thought possible.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And things draw to a dramatic close...

Almost two weeks went by before Karkat started to feel horny again. He knew it wasn't fair, wasn't right, but Eridan had helped him ease that need last time, and the seatroll seemed pretty resilient. Karkat hadn't really noted any negative reactions from the troll. For all he knew, Eridan had enjoyed it. He'd sure seemed willing enough at the time. Before he could talk himself out of it, Karkay pulled up Trollian and shot off a quick message to Eridan.

carcinoGeneticist (CG) has begun trolling caligulasAquarium (CA)

CG: HEY ERIDAN  
CG: ARE YOU DOING ANYTHING TODAY  
CA: no wwhy  
CG: DO YOU FEEL LIKE HANGING OUT? MY HIVE.   
CA: wwhat sort of activities are we talkin about  
CG: IM NOT SURE. YOU FEEL LIKE SUCKING MY BULGE AGAIN? MAYBE FOLLOW THAT UP WITH A ROMCOM AND SOME ICE CREAM?   
CA: ice cream sounds nice  
CG: LET ME KNOW WHEN YOURE COMING SO I CAN GET THE SNACKS READY.   
CA: ok

carcinoGeneticist (CG) has ceased trolling caligulasAquarium (CA)

CA: do I have to suck your bulge or could wwe skip straight to the romcom  
CA: fuck

Eridan stared at the trollian screen. He felt sick. His throat was _still_ sore from when Kar had essentially pailed his throat, but he hadn't actually left his hive in over a week. In fact, the last time he'd gone out had been to Kar’s hive to apologize. He desperately wanted to spend time with someone besides his own dark internal monologues, but Eridan didn't exactly want Kar shoving his bulge down his throat again either. _You have to decide which is more important to you_ ,  Eridan thought glumly. _Time with an almost-friend and a sore throat, or uninterrupted loneliness and a throat that doesn't hurt._ Eridan scowled. _I guess a sore throat is a small price to pay for company._ Part of him still hoped he'd be able to talk Kar out of it.

And so, maybe two hours later, he found himself standing awkwardly in front of Karkat's hive yet again. He knocked this time, and the door swung open. Karkat didn't look nearly so tired or frazzled this time. Eridan hoped that was a good sign, maybe Kar would be more gentle. Maybe he wouldn't make Eridan suck his bulge at all.

“So, romcom before or after the bulge-sucking?” Karkat said by way of introduction, thereby dashing any hopes Eridan had held of him maybe forgetting the whole bulge-sucking half of the arrangement.  

Eridan considered. He probably wouldn't be able to enjoy the romcom with the bulge-sucking looming over him like a ghostly specter of dread and anticipation, so he shrugged and lightly suggested “Before. Let's just get it over with.”

Karkat grinned, all his sharp teeth showing in his excitement. “Great. So right here or…?” Eridan shrugged, his stomach churning. “How about we do it by the couch,” Karkat suggested brightly. Eridan nodded jerkily, following the small chubby troll across the room. Karkat reached down, pulling his pants down enough that Eridan could see his bulge was already curling in his crotch, half-slick with cherry red slurry. “I'm really glad you wanted to go first,” Karkat said brightly, “I don't think I could've waited through a whole romcom.”

Eridan nodded jerkily, sinking to his knees and taking the slick bulge in his hands, running his tongue up the underside of the thick bulge, paying special attention to the base where it emerged from just above the nook. Karkat was trilling high and breathy, and part of Eridan felt satisfaction in the fact that apparently he was not half-bad at this. He ran his tongue back down the bulge all the way to the tip, which he sucked into his mouth, teasing the edge with his tongue while he hollowed his cheeks and sucked. Karkat let out an almost keening wail, and then he _grabbed Eridan's hair_ and started _shoving_ his way down Eridan's throat. The highblood fought back a horrible choking sensation, tried not to scream as the wide bulge tore at the delicate lining of his throat. Karkat pulled out, and Eridan got one deep breath before Kar plunged back in, deeper than before, his bulge curling so low Eridan could feel it almost in his chest. His throat felt misshapen and distended, and when he screamed the vibrations seemed to do something for Karkat's bulge because the lowblood _moaned_ low in his throat before pulling out again. This time his respite was was even shorter and Eridan got _maybe_ half a breath before Karkat's bulge was back, twisting and writhing and suddenly it was stiffening, thickening and something hot was spurting into his throat and Kar was cursing and Eridan couldn't swallow around the huge obstruction in his throat and the slurry bubbled up around the bulge, oozing from the corners of his mouth as Karkat pulled his bulge out, panting weakly. Eridan too was panting weakly, but for a totally different reason, swallowing repeatedly to clear the red slurry from his throat, he'd managed to swallow enough that he hadn't accidentally inhaled any of it, but now his stomach felt distended and overfull.  Eridan felt a touch of nausea. Karkat scratched at the back of his head awkwardly. “I tried to avoid getting it all over you this time,” Karkat said after a moment. “It still sort of looks like a mess. I'll get the snacks, why don't you get yourself cleaned up?”

Eridan nodded, fighting down the sick feeling in his stomach until he reached Kar’s ablution block, at which point he promptly knelt in front of the load gaper and emptied the contents of his stomach, abdomen rippling with dry heaves long after everything had been eliminated from his system. His throat burned, he could barely breathe. Eridan fumbled with Kar's ablution trap, filling it with water until he could at least submerge his torso. He shucked his clothes and fell into the water. The purification chemicals used to make the water drinkable burned a bit but the ability to breathe unhindered felt so good. Eridan felt he could have stayed in that ablution trap for hours, but after about ten blissful minutes Kar started pounding on the door, demanding to know if he'd “fallen in”. Eridan grudgingly pulled himself out of the water and answered that he would be out in five minutes. He toweled off, drying his hair as best he could, and stumbled out to where Kar had prepared two heaping bowls of ice cream, and several bowls of assorted junk food. The smaller troll scooted to one side of the couch, indicating for Eridan to join him.

The ice cream soothed his burning throat, and the way Karkat smiled and laughed soothed Eridan's hurting bloodpusher. All in all, he felt the discomfort had been more than worth the end result.  Events continued in a similar fashion for some time after that. Approximately two weeks after the previous visit, Karkat would troll Eridan, inviting him over for romcoms or video games or dinner or just to sit in the same room and coexist comfortably. A not-so-subtle hint was always included, informing Eridan that he was expected to suck Kar's bulge at some point during the visit. After the first visit, Kar would always say, “You want to do this first, right?” reaching for the crotch of his pants, and Eridan could never quite find the way to say that actually he didn't want to do it at all, that the way Karkat's bulge tore up his throat and cut off his air was terrifying, that he was afraid he would faint from air deprivation and Kar would just keep pailing his mouth until he was satisfied. Instead, he would say nothing, reach for Karkat's bulge, and pray that he could somehow make the lowblood troll come _before_ he penetrated Eridan's throat.

It never quite worked out that way, and Eridan found himself spending more and more time in Kar's ablution trap breathing through his gills with each successive visit. He kept reminding himself that the discomfort was a small price to pay, at least Kar _wanted_ to spend time with him. No one else seemed inclined to give him the time of day.

It had been about three perigees since they'd first begun the arrangement, and by this time Eridan was spending most of his time in the water to avoid breathing through his ravaged throat. Karkat didn't know this, of course. He rarely asked after Eridan, usually much more inclined to talk about himself and his escapades. Eridan didn't mind this, exactly. After all, he wouldn't have had much to say even if Karkat had bothered to ask.

Things finally came to a head one fateful eve. Karkat had invited Eridan over for a movie night and ‘other activities’. Eridan had been struggling to breathe almost all day, and knew it would be a bad idea to irritate his throat now. He also didn't want to refuse - what if Karkat got angry and ended it? Then he would have _no one left_. So, despite his better judgement, Eridan went, reminding himself that proving himself to Kar was worth a little pain and besides, he deserved it. He didn't have to like it, it was meant to make him sorry for what he'd done to Kar, so he could understand how it felt to be used. At least, that's what Eridan thought. For all he knew Kar was just looking for an easy lay. Eridan supposed he qualified as that too. He would do almost anything if it meant he didn't have to be alone all the time.

When he arrived, it started off in much the same way as usual, an easy “You want to do this first, right?” from Kar, a swift nod, and Eridan was on his knees. He always wished this part would last longer. Running his hands over the mutantblood's bulge, worshipping it with his tongue, Eridan could feel his own bulge twitching in response. The smell of Kar's arousal was incredible and his wide, powerful bulge always looked so inviting. Eridan's nook would be slick within minutes, his bulge curling and twisting against the tightness of his pants. Kar had yet to notice the effect his bulge had on Eridan, which Eridan supposed was all right because the pain that inevitably occurred when Kar shoved his bulge down Eridan's throat would dry his nook and send his bulge back behind its bone sheath for the forseeable future.

Kar was in rare form that day, all desperate gasps and high pitched trills. Eridan was beginning to hope this might be the day Karkat might actually forego the oral penetration. Alas, it was not to be, the thick appendage curling down Eridan’s throat before long. He screamed, Karkat's bulge was tearing the raw flesh, undoing any healing that had managed to transpire over the last two weeks. Karkat's bulge twitched, and he screamed again. His throat was so full he couldn't really make much of a sound at all, and he had precious little air in his lungs. As Karkat's bulge pulled out with a wet ‘pop’, Eridan  tried to suck in some much-needed air, only to find to his dismay that he _couldn't._ Then Kar's bulge was back and now Eridan was panicking, darkness creeping in the corners of his vision. Karkat pulled out again and Eridan forced a cough, falling to brace himself on his arms, head hanging as he fought to breathe, sucking in reedy breaths through his battered wind chute. He felt dizzy, coughing again, clutching at his throat. Somewhere above him Kar was fumbling with his pants, tucking in his bulge, dropping to his knees beside the highblood. “Eridan, Eridan!” he was shouting, worry coloring his tone, “What happened? Are you okay?”

Eridan could barely breathe, he had no air to speak, so he just shook his head. _I'm not okay_ , he tried to convey through his body language. _I can't fuckin breathe._ Karkat was rubbing slow, gentle circles on Eridan's back, trying to ease the breathing muscles that were spasming with the effort of sucking air in through his battered throat. Tears pricked Eridan's eyes at the gesture of tenderness. _Why can't he always be like this?_ Eridan wondered miserably, his desperate breaths now coming out more like sobs.

“Fuck, Eridan, did I choke you? What can I do? What's happening?” Karkat was frantic. He'd been getting into a decent rhythm, Eridan had been doing the same low, throaty vibrations he always did. He'd been doing more of them lately, Karkat had even entertained the thought that maybe he was figuring out how to give better blow jobs so he could _make Karkat happy_ . A deeper part of Karkat knew that was patently ridiculous, he'd been blackmailing the troll, promising him companionship, but at a price. He saw the hesitation, knew the highblood found him repulsive, but having Eridan on his knees, powerless, had just felt so _right_ to Karkat. Until now. This… this didn't feel right at all. The highblood was clutching his throat and wheezing, his whole body shuddering. There were even tears in the corners of his eyes. “What can I do?” Karkat hated the way his voice turned shrill when he was worried or upset, but he had bigger things on his mind right now.

“...trap,” Eridan managed, voice choked off and horribly raspy.

“What? Fuck!” Karkat knew he was most definitely not using an inside voice but his panic could not be contained. “I don't know what you said!  Gog dammit Eridan, if you fucking die because of this I'll fucking cull you,” Karkat was rambling, one hand on Eridan's back, the other on his shoulder. His hands were shaking and he felt sick. What if Eridan was really hurt?

“...blution...trap…” Eridan wheezed.

“ABLUTION TRAP?” Karkat repeated, reaching concert-volume at this point.

Eridan nodded jerkily, and that was all Karkat needed to swoop down and hoist the highblood over his shoulder as best he could, half-carrying, half-dragging the violet blooded troll down the hall to his ablution block.

“NOW WHAT?” Karkat shouted, propping Eridan against the wall. The highblood troll’s mouth was gaping open, his earfins were drooping limply and his face was deathly pale.

Unable to find enough breath to speak, Eridan indicated the water spout and hoped for the best. Fortunately, Karkat was quick on the uptake. He got the water running, momentarily distracted as he watched the water fill the trap for a few seconds before turning around. “Okay, now…what…?” Karkat's voice trailed off, eyes raking over Eridan's lithe, chiseled form. He'd almost forgotten what the troll looked like under all those layers. Eridan had shed his scarf and cape, peeled off his shirt and was slowly working off his pants. Karkat's bulge, which had been mostly forgotten in the hubbub, twitched with renewed interest. _THIS IS NOT THE TIME_ , Karkat thought at his unhelpful anatomy. _THIS IS NOT THE FUCKING TIME_.

Eridan managed to get his clothes off, and stood slowly, propping himself up by leaning heavily on the wall. Karkat was staring at him, probably because his gills were already twitching with the need to _breathe_ . He couldn't get air down his throat and they wanted to help. They just had to wait a little bit longer, because trying to use gills in the air would hurt even worse than his throat did right now. Eyes on the water level in Karkat’s ablution trap, Eridan stumbled forward once he saw there was just enough water in the ablution trap to submerge himself. It wasn't ideal, but he didn’t really have time for ideal conditions. Eridan pitched over, practically falling into the ablution trap and letting his gills _finally_ take over, sucking much-needed breath into his air-starved system. His eyes blinked open, and he caught sight of Karkat peering into the tub, concern blazoned across his features. Eridan flicked his earfins back and forth in a friendly gesture, forcing a grin. He'd probably just ruined everything, Eridan thought dismally. Kar wouldn't want to hang out with him now that he couldn't use the highblood’s throat to pleasure himself. Part of Eridan wondered if maybe that didn't make Karkat a bad friend, if the only reason he invited Eridan over was because he wanted to pail. Then again, Eridan hadn't exactly complained about the arrangement, so he couldn't ask for much now, could he?

Karkat continued to lean over the ablution trap, the water still running, the rippling water slightly obscuring the sea troll beneath the water. He wasn't sure why Eridan had shucked his clothes - from what he understood most sea trolls wore water-breathable clothing so their gills would work even through several layers. Still, he wasn't going to complain, seeing as he was quite mesmerized by the sight of Eridan's gills expanding and contracting under the water, flaps lifting to ever so slightly expose violet filaments to the water before collapsing shut only to lift yet again and begin the cycle anew.

Eridan’s eyes fluttered shut, and Karkat was left alone with his thoughts. What had gone wrong? He thought things had been going well. He’d… Well, if he were being truly honest with himself, he’d been blackmailing a troll and using that troll’s guilty conscience to relieve the effects of his heat. Honestly, he was no better than Eridan. Worse, even. Eridan hadn’t used Karkat _on purpose_ . It had been an accident. A really dumb, preventable accident, sure. But still an accident. But this… Karkat had tried to convince himself that Eridan enjoyed it, but the evidence spoke for itself. Karkat hadn’t been _looking_ exactly, but… well. Yes. He’d been looking at Eridan as the troll stripped, and there didn’t seem to be _any evidence at all_ that Eridan had been even the _slightest bit_ into it.

Suddenly Karkat felt sick. He’d been lying to himself all along, telling himself that Eridan deserved it, that Eridan _wanted_ this. But he knew the truth. Eridan was basically the most annoying troll in all of trollkind, so he probably hadn’t had very many people who enjoyed spending time with him to begin with. Last he’d heard, Feferi hadn’t been to see Eridan in awhile. Sollux had never liked Eridan. Karkat knew, even though he’d tried to bury the realization, that he was really the only person who’d been seeing Eridan since the incident.

And he’d used the troll’s loneliness and guilty conscience against him in order to get an easy lay. And, apparently, to injure the troll. Karkat leaned back over the edge of the ablution trap, a wash of worry once more flooding his system. What had happened? Why had Eridan started choking like that? How had he known the water would help?

Come to think of it, Karkat recalled that since the first encounter, Eridan would always be a little wet when he returned from “cleaning up”... Before today, Karkat had just assumed that Eridan didn’t want to smell like another troll’s slurry, but now… Had Karkat been hurting Eridan all along?

The thought came like a knife in the gut. Oh. Oh, he _had been, hadn’t he_ ? Eridan had been spending longer and longer in the ablution block. He’d also been looking more sallow, his face more gaunt. Karkat swallowed, feeling the way his throat rippled. He wondered if it would hurt to have a bulge pushed down there, then scoffed at the thought. Of _course_ it fucking hurt. Of _course_ Karkat wouldn’t think of that. Of _course_ Eridan wouldn’t say anything about it, too afraid of losing the _one troll_ who would still put up with him.

Then Karkat really was sick, clinging to his load gaper and heaving again and again, nothing but bile spurting from his mouth and oh, he was a monster. He’d thought that _Eridan_ was the one in the wrong here but no, oh no, he’d been the one doing wrong all along. This had never really been about teaching Eridan a lesson, he’d been properly sorry from the get-go. This had always been about Karkat’s own ego, his desperate need to feel in-control and his finally finding a victim who would submit to Karkat, to “prove” that Karkat had some measure of control over a given situation. He was disgusting. Eridan deserved better than this.

Sick and ashamed, Karkat realized in horror that he’d started crying, big fat tears rolling down his face. He didn’t want to cry, he wanted to crawl in a hole and die and never face the world - and especially not Eridan - ever again. He scrubbed at his face to no avail, only managing to produce a few deep, gut-wrenching sobs to go along with the rivulets of tears. After several minutes, Karkat managed to get his hysteria resolved, taking a few shaky breaths. His breathing had just about reached a normal rhythm when the water in Karkat’s ablution trap rippled And Eridan sat up, water streaming off him. He pushed his wet, floppy hair out of his face, doing a double-take when he realized Kar was still in the ablution block with him. The smaller troll’s eyes were red-rimmed. Had he been crying? Eridan rose unsteadily to his feet, and Kar was there to meet him, towel proffered and a look of incredible regret in his eyes. Eridan knew the look intimately - he saw it in the mirror every morning.

He accepted the towel with a nod of thanks, still doing his best to avoid using his throat for the moment. He could mostly breathe, now, but it still hurt quite a bit. He felt so foolish - he should have told Kar he was sick, or anything, really. Now Kar probably hated him for ruining a good time and making him worry. He toweled off quickly, wrapping the towel around his head as he pulled his clothes back on. He gave his head one more quick rub down with the towel, then handed it to Kar with a nod and a halfhearted smile to show he appreciated the gesture.

Kar looked sick, quickly hanging the towel. “So, uh… meal block?” he suggested after a moment of heavy silence.

Eridan nodded once, following Karkat down the hall. Karkat entered the room and paused, wringing his hands for a moment. “Would something cold or warm be better?” he finally asked, unable to look Eridan in the eye as he asked.

Eridan shrugged. He didn’t really think it mattered. It would hurt going down regardless. Everything did at this point.

Karkat quickly prepared two cups of something hot and sweet, passing one to Eridan and sitting down at the table, indicating that Eridan should sit also. For several minutes, the two said nothing, only sipped their respective beverages, Karkat looking more and more ill at ease until finally he spoke up. “It hurt every fucking time, didn’t it?”

Eridan couldn’t bring himself to answer that, casting his gaze about the room, anything to avoid looking Karkat in the eye.

“Fuck,” Karkat breathed, cradling his head in his hands. “Eridan. I’m so sorry.”

Eridan blinked. He wasn’t expecting that. That wasn’t how this conversation went, at least not in his own internal scenarios. Karkat? Apologizing? “Not your fault,” Eridan managed, despite the roaring pain in his throat. “Deserved it.”

“What?” Karkat’s head jerked upwards, his gaze meeting Eridan’s. “No, fuck that. _No one_ deserves to be hurt like that, especially not by someone claiming to be a _friend_.” Karkat looked sick, and he pushed his cup away slowly. “I fucked up, Eridan.”

Eridan was shaking his head. This wasn’t how this was supposed to go. _He_ was supposed to be the one apologizing, not Karkat!

“I was angry and hurt, so I took it out on you,” Karkat explained slowly. “It was wrong. And I could make a lot of dumb excuses about why I did it, but you know what?” Karkat planted his hands on the table. “ _You didn’t_ . When you came to apologize, you didn’t make excuses, you didn’t try to tell me how to feel. You wanted to make things _better_ , and I fucking went and made them _worse._ ” Karkat sat back down, suddenly looking a thousand years older. “I know I fucked up, and if you never want to see me again, I understand.” He bit his lip, his face a perfect? picture of regret. “But if you _do_ want to hang out again, I’d like that. I enjoyed this...I enjoyed being with you.” Karkat flushed then, realizing how that could have sounded. “I mean! Fuck, not…” Karkat cradled his head in his hands. “I want to start over,” he said, voice muffled and miserable. “If you think that’s even possible.”

Eridan couldn’t believe what he was hearing. Karkat wanted to start over? To spend time with him willingly? Without any strings attached? The concept was totally foreign to him. Even Fef was basically essentially? his moirail in name only, and then mostly because he helped her feed her lusus. Now that she was strong enough to handle herself, he’d been seeing less and less of her. The idea of someone wanting to spend time with him, simply for the enjoyment of _spending time with him_ …? Eridan felt light, like he might be flying. Karkat actually wanted to be in his presence without some sort of coercion.  “Okay,” Eridan managed weakly. “Start over.”

Karkat’s head lifted, wonder and shock written across his features. “Wait, just like that?”

Eridan shrugged, taking a sip of the sweet drink.

“Even after I made you suck my disgusting bulge?”

“Not disgusting,” Eridan argued.

“ _And_ painful, right, and-” Karkat broke off, appearing confused. “Wait. What did you say?” 

Eridan gave Karkat a longsuffering look. “Not. Disgusting.”

“I’m sure,” Karkat scoffed. “I mean it’s not like I’m a fat, mutant, ugly, lusus-pailing excuse for a troll… oh wait, _I am_.”

Eridan shook his head.

Karkat’s eyes narrowed. “I’m not sure what you mean by that.”

Eridan shrugged. He hated this, hated that his throat wouldn’t let him say what he wanted to say. He wanted to tell Karkat that his hands loved the feel of Karkat’s soft curves, that the thick weight of Karkat’s bulge made his nook weep for joy, that the sight of candy-red slick was so thrilling and different it made his heart skip a beat. But all he could do was try to communicate that with his eyes.

It didn’t really work, but Karkat shrugged, dropping the topic for the time being. “Whatever. Point is… are you okay?” Karkat looked worried. “I mean _really._ ”

Eridan nodded. “Need to heal,” he managed after a moment.

“How long will that take?” Karkat demanded, “How bad is it? How badly did I _hurt_ you?” the pain in his voice pierced Eridan through. He’d never imagined someone being truly sorry for hurting him. Even in his wildest fantasies, Karkat hadn’t really _cared_ that Eridan was hurt. He’d just…well. In Eridan’s “wildest” fantasies the mutant troll would ‘make it up to him’ by… ahem. Best not to think about that at this exact moment, the last thing he needed was painfully obvious arousal around Karkat. That was hardly appropriate ‘start over’ behavior.

“Fuck it’s going to take a long time,” Karkat breathed, mistaking Eridan’s long silence as hesitation to tell him. “I fucked you up real bad didn’t I?”

“A perigee,” Eridan managed. He would do it, too. He’d spend all day every day in the ocean healing his throat if it meant he could spend time with Karkat one perigee from now.

Karkat visibly relaxed. “So not a sweep,” he sounded doubtful. “Are you sure one perigee is enough?”

Eridan nodded.

Karkat still looked doubtful, but didn’t say anything on the matter. He noticed Eridan’s cup was almost empty. “Should I get you a refill?” he asked.

Eridan shook his head with a smile, feeling awkward. “Romcom next time, yeah?” he managed.

“Yeah,” Karkat agreed quietly. “Next time.”

The smaller troll walked him to the door, apologizing once more before Eridan gracefully let himself out. Eridan still felt somewhat lost at sea, unsure of what had just transpired. Had he actually been offered a chance at no-strings-attached interactions with another troll? He was in disbelief, but undeniably pleased. He hoped the perigee would go by quickly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well this is the end of this installment in the series, hope you enjoyed the mental anguish! Our next installment should be coming sooner than later (we hope), so look forward to less pain and more fluff/smut in future parts of this series!  
> If you would like another look at the illustration, you can find it on my deviantart [here](http://fav.me/da61uls), or my tumblr [here](http://vulcan-highblood.tumblr.com/post/145793319556/karkat-is-not-always-a-good-guy-and-usually-when).


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